I am literally dying. I have no control over my emotions. I have spent the last two days crying. The walls of my room have become gates imprisoning me like a cell. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I cannot be here any longer. Instead, I drive as far as possible. I try and leave the pain behind. But it is too fast. Every time I stop it is right in front of me. Staring me in my face. All day I think about leaving this place. Being far away from her. It has come to the point that all I can do is cry. Cry myself to sleep. Cry until I have no tears. It hurts so much. Everything hurts. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I still manage to see images of her face constantly. They are haunting me. Stalking me down, knowing my every move.
I have to call her. I can’t live like this. But at the same time, I want her to suffer. I want her to suffer for all the torment she is putting me through. I want her to suffer for me loving her so much. I want her to know I don’t need her. But in the end, the joke is on me. I am the one writing in this stupid fucking notebook. I am the one crying every fucking night. I am the one driving around like a mad man trying to lose these memories. I am such a fucking joke. She probably doesn’t even miss me. Three years of my life for what. So I could spend the rest of my life miserable and dying. Screw this.
