Memories of Matthew

Today I went into my parents room to take my fathers bible. I wanted to get some examples of three things I had written yesterday. As soon as I opened the bible, I remembered the flood and Noah’s Ark. God actually used a flood to destroy all the evil on Earth at the time. He believed the world had become too corrupt and thought by destroying the world with floods, the world could begin again. That is a prime example of people personifying God. (more…)

So it seems like everything in the house is finally starting to cool down. Yesterday, my father actually spoke to me a little bit. He asked me if I registered for my fall courses yet. So it kind of broke the ice between us. I am just happy that he actually said something to me.

Today I hung out at Johns’ house. We had a deep conversation about my father and his obsession with religion. I basically told him exactly why I can not deal with religion, and how bogus I truly think it is. I seriously could write a book on all the reasons why I believe it to be fake. I’ve made a promise to myself that my next hobby I will concentrate on things other than “the bitch.” After everything she put me through, I still miss and adore her. (more…)

It has been a while since I’ve had any time to write. I have been living between John and Mikes’ homes. Things got real sour between my father and I. A couple of days back, we got into the same usual fight that seems to occur everyday, him saying that I have been staying out too much and that I am losing control of my life. It is easy for him to say because he has no clue how it truly feels to be in my position. On top of everything, all he ever says to me is how important it is to have God in my heart and in my life. This is the exact kind of shit I really do not want to hear. It has gotten so repetitive that I ended up losing my nerve in front of him. This time the fight got out of hand. (more…)

My dad is driving me up the wall. It has come to the point where I don’t even want to be home anymore. I have been spending my time out of the house with my friends. It’s actually making things worse between me and him, but at the same time it is helping me avoid a confrontation. I honestly don’t care anymore. Ever since Lisa and I separated, I really don’t care about anything. I have been spending a lot of my time doing two things: thinking or getting wasted.

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I have been fighting with my parents non-stop. They are constantly on my ass. My dad keeps complaining. He says that I have been going out way too much. He acts like im a kid. Pisses me off so much. It is so embarrassing. A soon to be sophomore who is constantly bothered by his folks. No wonder I hate living in my house.

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I spent yesterday and today at my friend John’s house. It was a great time. He had a whole bunch of people over and we relaxed, went out to eat, then had a couple of drinks back at his house. It was a good way to keep my mind off things. I feel like the more I lounge around, the more horrible I feel. Keeping busy helps me to focus on other things. Plus, it feels good to be around my friends again. When I was with “the bitch” it was something that scarcely happened. That was one of the reasons why we probably fought a lot. I guess she just didn’t give me enough room to be a guy.

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For some reason the power has been down all afternoon throughout the east coast. Rumor has it there was some terrorist attack or something. Who knows? With the world we live in now, it wouldn’t be a big surprise.

I never realized how much we rely on electricity. It practically runs everything I use. It’s actually sad. I think it is a good thing that we’ve had no power for awhile. It will show people how lucky we are. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you have something for such a long time, you begin to forget its importance. We begin to take things for granted. Kind of like “the bitch”. She never really understood how much I loved her till now. I’m guessing not having me around to pamper her and show her my affection has helped her to see just how much I loved her.

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I’ve gotta figure this out…

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Yesterday I woke up and got dressed to play some basketball with my friends. After we finished, Mike told me the guys were going to head over to his house just to hang out. I figured I would go just to keep myself busy. After playing, I ate dinner and got ready to head over to Mikes’.

In the middle of putting on my jeans, my phone rang. It was “the bitch”. I obviously didn’t pick up. Instead I kept on getting dressed until my phone made another noise. I looked at it and I had a voice mail. This was very different. Out of all the times we have been apart she had never once left a voice mail, no matter how many times she called. After listening to the voice mail I was in shock. She was outside.

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My hangover is finally starting to go away. I spent the day just lying around the house. After a night like that, it’s understandable I wasn’t in the mood to leave my room. Even getting out of bed was a challenge. I still think of Lisa constantly. I talk to my friends all the time but I don’t think they fully understand how I felt for her. Their advice for me is to stop thinking about her and just move on. I can’t. If it was that simple I would have done it weeks ago. Im so confused. I hate her but at the same time I cannot get her out of my mind.

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