Lisa hasn’t called me once today. It is a strange feeling because even though I don’t want to talk to her, I still miss the phone ringing. I guess by her calling me I know she is thinking of me or something of the sort. Either way I wouldn’t pick up, it is just the point. Tonight I’m going to go to a party that some of my friends have invited me to. Hopefully I will meet some girl and forget about “the bitch”. If only things were that easy.
One thing I do plan on doing is getting completely wasted. I plan on drinking my anger and sorrow away. It is going to be awesome. Maybe I will finally smile; it is something I haven’t done in a long time. Especially with all the stuff I’m constantly going through. It isn’t even all about “the bitch”. By the way that is the new name I decided to stick with. “THE BITCH!!!” I am constantly fighting with my folks. I have to get out of this house. It is like nothing I do is good enough for them, and they are judgmental about everything I do. A big part is the fact that my parents are so religious. One day I definitely need to write about this religion shit. Especially with all the stuff I’m going through with my father. I have been spoon fed religion since I was a child. He’s preaching to me even more now than he has in the past. I don’t even know if I believe in God anymore. But every time I think of it I push it away to the back of my mind. It has come to the point where I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I am just fed up of all my dads’ nonsense. Enough of that for now.
Man, I complain a lot. Right now I’m laughing because it’s so ironic. Every time I write in this damn notebook I have something else to complain about. Whoever said life isn’t easy wasn’t kidding. I don’t think that I
Holy shit, she just called me. It is so bizarre. I get so happy when my phone rings and I see her name on the caller ID. But I feel even better not picking it up. I guess it makes me feel like she still loves me because she is calling me. But it is like a slap in her face by ignoring her calls. My revenge. Feels good. But at the same time, I would rather try and not hurt her. I definitely don’t want her going through the pain I felt. It was excruciating torment. I wish that pain upon no one. It is still hard for me, and I am sure I have a lot of time before I fully heal. But it is probably all for the better. I’m going to go now and get ready.
Hey, I read your entry on Random Post via LJ. It was very interesting, and I feel kinda bad saying that my name, too is Lisa…:( However, I would like to friend you, and read more. Look at my info, and let me know!
Love Is like a double edged sword It can save your life but, also make you feel as though It’s destroyed you. Just remember you have all your life to find a new love and you’ll go through many before you meet the one that will make all others seem like a distant memory.