I woke up today with the worst hang over possibly conceivable by any man. Or at least that is how it felt. It was horrible. To be honest, I don’t even remember much of what happened last night. I don’t know whether I had a good time or not. But as some of my friends say, “if you can’t remember what you did, you must have done something right!” I spoke to my friend, Mike – the guy who invited me, earlier today. It pretty much sounds like I definitely didn’t have a good time. Basically, the whole night, my friends held me up in their arms while I puked my brains out. I do remember some things though.
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August 8th, 2006
Written August 8, 2003 by Matt
Posted by
John
Lisa hasn’t called me once today. It is a strange feeling because even though I don’t want to talk to her, I still miss the phone ringing. I guess by her calling me I know she is thinking of me or something of the sort. Either way I wouldn’t pick up, it is just the point. Tonight I’m going to go to a party that some of my friends have invited me to. Hopefully I will meet some girl and forget about “the bitch”. If only things were that easy.
August 5th, 2006
Written August 5, 2003 by Matt
Posted by
John
I’m definitely starting to feel better. Well maybe not better but I am no where near the way I was a few days back. I am actually glad I went to her house yesterday. It gave me a reason to move on. It gave me a reason to stop missing her so much. Instead I have just replaced my love with hate. Seems to be working pretty well. I do feel stupid though. I feel stupid because of the way I was acting. It is amazing how silly this bitch can make me act. At least I know now I will never act like that again. I will never put myself in that position. All it does is make you look foolish.
August 4th, 2006
Written August 4, 2003 by Matt (Entry 2)
Posted by
John
She just called me saying she wanted to talk things over. She gave me the whole “I was thinking of you the whole time. Blah blah blah.” So I told her again very politely to fuck off.
August 4th, 2006
Written August 4, 2003 by Matt
Posted by
John
I waited outside her house with a cup of coffee this morning. I made sure to order it exactly how she likes it: two sugars, very light and sweet with cream. Just one of the millions of memories of her that exist in my mind. I waited for two hours outside her home. The whole time I was smiling, I knew this was going to be a great day. Probably the best day I’ve had in the past month. I sat on her porch, letting the cool breeze of summer carry my pain away. I was able to see how helpless I am for her. Through all the pain and torture, I knew it was no way for any man to live. It is like I live to love her. And without that, I am nothing.
August 2nd, 2006
Written August 2, 2003 by Matt
Posted by
John
It is another day inside my hell, and it seems to be my eternity. I thought as the days pass I would begin to feel better. Instead everyday I fall deeper into this bottomless pit. I no long understand the concept of joy. Happiness is a mere illusion which presents itself in the smiles of other people. Everyone seems so happy! Ready to live out their meaningful lives. It makes me feel sick. I truly miss the feeling but it is something impossible for me to remember. It is hard to enjoy pleasant memories when all they do is remind you of the pitiful thing you have become. The beautiful memories of the times me and her spent saddens me. This is so fucking difficult. I cannot put into words the amount of torture I am going through. I am so pitiful.
