Memories of Matthew

I was thinking about writing down some of the things that went on today between my father and me, but I’m just exhausted from all the packing and unpacking. My entire body aches, I think I used muscles I’ve never used before. Time to take some pain killers and go to bed. First day of school tomorrow, I should try to be as well rested as possible.

Today I woke up with the biggest hangover. Last night I went to a party thrown by some of Aaron’s friends. It was a really good time. I tried hard to stay away from hard liquor because of my last couple of experiences which ended with me throwing up on everyone and everything. So this time I decided to just sit back and drink a few beers. I still got wrecked, but I guess it worked because I managed to keep my stomach contents inside of me.

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I got into another fight with my father today. He saw that I was reading his bible and got excited. I guess he thought I was reading for some sort of spiritual purpose. In a way he was correct, but it wasn’t the spiritual sense he was hoping for. I started asking him some questions about the thoughts and questions I had about his religion. I could immediately sense the tension just by looking at his eyes. It is impossible to speak to the man. Especially about these matters.

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My father once told me, “Have faith in your own religion.” Is it really my religion? How did I choose it? Do I really have a choice? How do we know which religion is right? How does God make his decision about who goes to heaven and hell?

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Today I went into my parents room to take my fathers bible. I wanted to get some examples of three things I had written yesterday. As soon as I opened the bible, I remembered the flood and Noah’s Ark. God actually used a flood to destroy all the evil on Earth at the time. He believed the world had become too corrupt and thought by destroying the world with floods, the world could begin again. That is a prime example of people personifying God. (more…)

So it seems like everything in the house is finally starting to cool down. Yesterday, my father actually spoke to me a little bit. He asked me if I registered for my fall courses yet. So it kind of broke the ice between us. I am just happy that he actually said something to me.

Today I hung out at Johns’ house. We had a deep conversation about my father and his obsession with religion. I basically told him exactly why I can not deal with religion, and how bogus I truly think it is. I seriously could write a book on all the reasons why I believe it to be fake. I’ve made a promise to myself that my next hobby I will concentrate on things other than “the bitch.” After everything she put me through, I still miss and adore her. (more…)

It has been a while since I’ve had any time to write. I have been living between John and Mikes’ homes. Things got real sour between my father and I. A couple of days back, we got into the same usual fight that seems to occur everyday, him saying that I have been staying out too much and that I am losing control of my life. It is easy for him to say because he has no clue how it truly feels to be in my position. On top of everything, all he ever says to me is how important it is to have God in my heart and in my life. This is the exact kind of shit I really do not want to hear. It has gotten so repetitive that I ended up losing my nerve in front of him. This time the fight got out of hand. (more…)

My dad is driving me up the wall. It has come to the point where I don’t even want to be home anymore. I have been spending my time out of the house with my friends. It’s actually making things worse between me and him, but at the same time it is helping me avoid a confrontation. I honestly don’t care anymore. Ever since Lisa and I separated, I really don’t care about anything. I have been spending a lot of my time doing two things: thinking or getting wasted.

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I have been fighting with my parents non-stop. They are constantly on my ass. My dad keeps complaining. He says that I have been going out way too much. He acts like im a kid. Pisses me off so much. It is so embarrassing. A soon to be sophomore who is constantly bothered by his folks. No wonder I hate living in my house.

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I spent yesterday and today at my friend John’s house. It was a great time. He had a whole bunch of people over and we relaxed, went out to eat, then had a couple of drinks back at his house. It was a good way to keep my mind off things. I feel like the more I lounge around, the more horrible I feel. Keeping busy helps me to focus on other things. Plus, it feels good to be around my friends again. When I was with “the bitch” it was something that scarcely happened. That was one of the reasons why we probably fought a lot. I guess she just didn’t give me enough room to be a guy.

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